Okay, I find this a bit exciting….
I am on my way to my first experience with Tantra, on my way to Awakeland in Portugal.
And where I normally write easily, I now notice that writing about this is stagnating. I can't find the words as quickly as I normally do. Because what is Tantra actually? A year ago my head was still full of judgments. I saw Tantra as people who are attached to each other, filth, orgies, cheating. Why would I participate in something like that? I'm really not going to do that...
Everything but the truth of course, but that's what I convinced myself of. Something inside me threw everything into the battle to not have to give in to something I long for deep inside, to something I find really interesting deep inside and curious about. Love and deeper connections, not only to and with myself, but to everything that lives, but let me start with myself.
What I am also especially curious about and at the same time scared of is discovering my own sexuality. And damn… there are still some old beliefs and limiting thoughts here and there.
While discovering your own sexuality is something beautiful in my opinion
– It’s also funny how I suddenly feel super insecure about this writing, while I normally don’t feel that way so quickly. –
I now know that discovering your own sexuality has nothing to do with filth, orgies and cheating. I do know that I can encounter it because of old programs that run in me, but not that it is true. I think it is precisely about loving yourself, making a deeper connection, transforming, but also seeking your own boundaries. Yes, also in the area of intimacy.
For someone who used to get jealous when his girlfriend was talking to someone else… This is really such a beautiful, wonderful and healing step.
And how grateful and happy I am that I can embark on this adventure with my sweetheart Esther Geskus, because with her I dare to do this, I feel safe enough to open up. And I know that we will always respect each other's choices and boundaries.
This afternoon at 5:00 PM is the opening ceremony. Exciting, but ready for it.
This will be a week of being vulnerable, opening up, observing and perceiving with a curious view and above all Connecting in Surrender and Trust.
Lobi,
B