🌊 Losing Connection 🌊
The last few days I have not been so connected to myself. And that feels frustrating, but at the same time liberating. I feel that I am on my way to an even more authentic me. Since Tuesday evening I suddenly lost the connection with myself and with that also with the people around me and the field around me. Funny that I am still writing that day about connecting with the field around you and that the same evening I completely lose that connection, at least in my opinion. In my experience, it is not possible to be truly disconnected, after all you are always connected to the field and the universe, but you still experience being disconnected. I experienced a feeling of it is all too much for me right now. And I share it, because this is also just the way it is. It may also be seen and that is what it wants. And if I do not listen and do not want to feel it or face it, it will simply come back the next time. So I listen and feel what it wants from me. In the meantime I also know that life has ups and downs. Everything is constantly in motion and there are lessons that may be learned. And right now I'm in such a class. Fun? Mwahh… Not really, but it could be more now.
🌟 The light side of this process 🌟
Actually, I already felt it coming when I look back now. There was a feeling that something was about to happen. I started to see more and more synchronicity. Almost every hour and everywhere double digits. I also experienced that I had more difficulty getting out of bed, fatigue started to increase and I also notice that I often skip the dips, sports and reading my daily affirmations. All signals that something is not right for me somewhere. When I let those kinds of things go, especially not exercising and the daily affirmations, I know that I am running myself ragged. But listening? No way... I'll keep going. That is also my pitfall and focus point during the training. Energy management. Keep going, keep going, keep going and then bam... Then I'm off for a day. Telling myself that it's okay, because I work all week and do all kinds of things. But there is more behind the continuous desire to keep going, which I will come back to later. Look… For me personally it really doesn’t matter if I work on Monday, Thursday, Saturday or Sunday, or the whole week. I love my job and I love my life. I do everything with love and I know that my life lesson is also to create, to work, and to live in abundance. To use my manifestation power for a better well-being of the world. I type while it is 08:08 now. I also know that I am supposed to be free, that I am allowed to play, enjoy, dance and sing. And the latter… I do that more and more.
🌩 The dark side of this process 🌩
These are the beautiful sides of the story, but there is also a side that may be healed and seen. Because that continuing, continuing and continuing is not only out of love and for the well-being of the world. There is also a piece of ego in it. And that is where the danger lurks. Because inside me there is also a little boy who wants to be seen and a part that does not feel seen. That inner child part wants to be healed. Yes… And where can that be better than here on Terra Nova? It is not without reason that it is offering itself again now. It has been happening my whole life, it makes sense that it is coming again now. When that part is active and I am busy, working hard and then I have the feeling of phew it is getting too much for me, where is the overview. Then it is actually already too late. Then the “I do not feel seen” part comes up. That part of me makes sure that I experience a lot of fatigue, it blocks me, causes self-sabotage, starts projecting, starts reacting curtly to people and also has something dominant of it going the way I want it to. Not very pretty, but I can feel compassion for it now. That part is just hurt. It hurts and if it is not seen, then behavior comes forward, so that it is seen. And honestly… When you do not see yourself, then you cannot expect others to see you. Even if they see you, you do not see it yourself. As within, so without.
💙 Inner child asks for love 💙
The inner child in me asks for love. It is my job to give it that love and not someone else. I alone am responsible for this part of me. Does this mean that I have to do it alone? No, because I realize that I have a great team of beautiful people around me. Does it mean that I can be open and honest when this presents itself? Yes, I can be more. This part of me can only be healed if I am honest and transparent about it and make it visible. Well, I think this is already a big step haha I type with a smile on my face. Only there is more to this story. Not expressing when I feel that I am not seen or heard also has another reason. There is a bit of fear of rejection behind it. What if I indicate what I feel now and the other person rejects that? What if I indicate that I really need some time for myself now and the other person rejects that? What if I indicate that it is all too much for me and the other person rejects me? What if I say no once and the other person rejects me and sends me away? I think that is quite clear. So there is also a part of learning to set boundaries and express what I really want. And when I doubt that, also to indicate that and to honestly say that I sometimes still experience difficulty in communicating things in a proper way. To communicate this in love and not from a part that lives in fear. Lessons in self-love is what is now strongly emerging for me.
🪐 So what do I have here now… 🪐
Not feeling seen, fear of rejection, setting boundaries, energy management, an inner child part and self-love. I think I have a pretty clear overview of what is going on now. And I will be allowed to accept and embrace in love that this will still be confronting and difficult every now and then. As I see it, the lessons are not offered for nothing and events will occur that trigger this part. There may be people who say something that triggers this part. And that is not to bully. That is because I am allowed to heal it. That is purely because it wants to be seen. And knowing the universe, it will ensure that it will be healed. It is only up to me to do that. There can still be so many opportunities, events, challenges and people placed on your path to help you. There can be so many mirrors that put your own problems in front of you and that can be very confronting. But in the end... In the end, it is really up to you to face it and work with it. In love, yes.
Ah 🐺 💚