It could have ended differently
Everything changed when I nearly drove myself into the guardrail while under the influence of GHB. I sought help from various agencies, which I had done before the near-accident. I was also very busy with personal development, but I just couldn't get to the core. All the help from psychologists and psychiatry was very well-intentioned, but it didn't take away my pain. At most it put a band-aid on it.
I slid further and further into the dark depths. Especially after the GHB incident. From that moment on, there was only fear. Every now and then I had a clear period and I completely dived into the Personal Development side again, but that always went back to using drugs for days on end. In short: I was stuck and I couldn't find a way out.
Until I picked up a message from Michael Pilarczyk online in late 2019. I heard about Terra Nova Center in the South of France, a place where you can transform yourself. I didn't know why I was drawn there, but something inside me told me I had to go. I was at my lowest point then.
At Terra Nova I immediately felt safe. After a transformation retreat in early 2020, I was given the opportunity to live and work at Terra Nova in the summer of 2020. Here I managed to get to the core. Among other things, I gained insights into why I always felt so rejected and alone. Eventually, I stayed on Terra Nova for 15 months and worked as a retreat leader and Personal Assistant to Robert Bridgeman.
I now live in the Netherlands again. There I have my own coaching practice. I felt it was time to finally stand on my own two feet. I guide 1-on-1 sessions, retreats, (online) workshops, breathwork and other ceremonies. I let myself be guided by the Universe and the magic within it sparkles.
And now… Now it's time for my first own book “It could have ended differently”.
Biography Brian van Leeuwen
As a child I was stuck in patterns of rejection, manipulation and arguing. I never felt at home on earth and it was really hard for me to connect with other people. I quickly noticed that my boundaries disappeared when I was drinking or using drugs. Then I was suddenly the social, enthusiastic and crazy Brian. This made me blind to the painful truth within me. And I just wanted to numb that, because feel pain? No way. I have to be good, always cheerful and preferably perform continuously. That is what is expected of me.
Resulting in a life full of drink, drugs, arguments and manipulation for about ten years. Until I got a wake-up call in 2019. I didn't even realize that I was completely destroying myself. Well... I knew it somewhere, but I didn't want to see it. And I didn't want to look at it? I certainly didn't. I had no idea how. My way was to numb it.
Description of the book "It could have ended differently"
It could have ended differently is the story of a boy who completely lost himself in parties, drinking, drugs, relationships, work, friends and girlfriends. I lived a life where I was miserable on the inside, but on the outside I showed anything but that. I lived a double life. Fortunately, I was a master at presenting myself to the outside world. I think the average person would just think that I was really happy and content. That mask was ideal. That mask was also necessary at the time. Otherwise I would never have been where I am now. In my whole system I feel that I was allowed to experience this.
This is my experience. This is my journey. And now it's time for the other side of the coin. From fear to love. That is the journey I have made. To find all the answers within myself instead of always searching in the outside world. Inwardly focused. Daring to look at myself completely and stand up for who I really am. Regardless of what others think. It is a journey of discovering what self-love is, what integrity is, what magic actually exists in life.
With this story it's time to take off the mask completely. And that is exciting, because that means that I am going to expose myself completely. Also to family, friends and others who are close to me.
That means being vulnerable and daring to be. With confidence that this contributes to my own healing process and that I can inspire you and many others with it. A source of inspiration that it can be done differently. And no matter how bad you're in shit, there's always a way out. I will take you in my story of ultimate transformation. That means I also take you into the darkest parts of my life.
This is a story that sums up the first twenty-eight years of my life. A story that led to a life full of love and trust. A new life full of humor, connection and where I am completely ready for it. Ready to live. Ready to play. Ready to walk my path. Ready to embody my soul mission in its entirety. Ready to take on everything that comes my way. Nice or not so nice. I now believe that everything happens for a reason. So do the lessons that I myself still have to learn. In the second part: the transformation journey by It could have ended differently I will give you the 21 secrets for a transformative, free and authentic life, so that you too can create your most beautiful authentic self.
I wish you a wonderful journey and a magical transformation process when you reach part two of it could have ended differently arrives. Part two can be scanned via a QR code. This gives you direct access to the E-book.