✍️ End of writing week. What a beautiful process! ✍️
My writing week is over. This morning I ended my writing week with a little ritual. I have written the draft of the first five chapters. Over 40,000 words later. One more chapter to write. That chapter is called Terra Nova.
When I arrived at that chapter yesterday, I immediately heard a voice in my head. You can write this chapter on Terra Nova. That voice was confirmed with goosebumps all over my body. For me a sign that it is right. This immediately gave me the space to already read my own story, to rewrite it, to create more details in the story and to add new parts. When I wrote the 31 secrets last year, which are in part 2 of It could have been so different, I still thought that a book was finished after writing it once. I now know that this is not the case. As a writer, you go through it a few times. There are proofreaders who read along. And before the book can go to the printer, a final editor will go over it. A cover can still be created, for which I already have ideas. The book and I are therefore still in the process.
It feels to me now as if I have written the most emotional parts. From now on I will go to the light part of the story. What a relief. It is out. More stories will come up as I write it, but the most intense and intense part is out. It is on paper. I have exposed myself completely and there are parts in it that I have not told before. Events that were hidden deep inside me come to the fore. The dark side of years of partying is fully depicted and nothing is spared. Festival life is not just about partying. There is a dark side. A side full of numbness and escapism in which you can completely lose yourself. For me that was accompanied by a cocktail of manipulation, anger, insecurity and jealousy.
The last six months, before I went on retreat to Terra Nova, were tough. For me one of the darkest periods of my life. At the same time a very educational period that brought me so much. I closed the penultimate chapter with tears. Tears, because a part of me felt more healed. It feels seen. Thinking back to the story I wrote, I see and realize that I really went through an intense dark period. And how much resistance I encountered in the past few days to write certain parts. Tiredness that suddenly came up and distraction in the form of wanting to do other things. I gave them all love. And then there are tears of gratitude. When I look back at where I was then and what happened after that all-changing retreat in the South of France, I can only be happy. Then I can only be grateful. Grateful for the processes that I was allowed to undergo. Grateful for the world as it is for me now. Grateful for all the journeys that I will make from NOW on and grateful for everything that may still come my way.
I'm going to celebrate the weekend now. This weekend there are two training days on the agenda and on Monday I'm leaving back to France.
Aho💚🐺