😧Imagine…
Patience is the word that comes to mind when I ask for a theme to write about. But why patience, I hear myself thinking? I have become quite patient. Certainly when I compare it to a few years ago. Everything always had to happen at once. Why was that actually the case? Things had to happen at once. And when I type this I feel why that was partly the case. It had to do with the fear of losing things. The fear of losing people, events and everything that feels good. No confidence that things will happen exactly as they are supposed to happen. Afraid that something beautiful will be snatched away from you. The longing for pleasure, love and fun. Only not in a healthy way. It was in a way of grabbing on and not letting go, no matter what. Because imagine… Imagine losing something from outside yourself… That you lose something that makes you happy, at least that’s what you think. What would you have left? Then you would only have yourself. And if you are not so happy and content with yourself, then you would rather not be stuck with only yourself. Then you start looking for things outside of yourself. Things that prevent you from being stuck with only yourself. Anything to numb yourself and not have to feel. Anything to not end up with only yourself, because that would mean the end…
🥴 Numb and run again 🥴
Because all those physical complaints, those terrible thoughts and those painful emotions… You don’t want to start with that, do you? Let alone that it takes patience and trust to solve that. How on earth do you solve that if you don’t have patience… Let alone that you trust yourself. You’ve lied to yourself so many times. Why would it be different this time? Voices in your head that confirm this. Just numb it again. Just avoid it. That’s safe, that’s familiar. And so you listen again. That goes on and on. It goes on and on… While you keep numbing it and while you do everything you can to avoid having to deal with yourself, things go from bad to worse. You lose control of yourself more and more. Not that you know who you are, because you have no idea. You’ve been running away your whole life. What a wimp you really are. Not even daring to deal with your own shit. Why do you expect people to stay with you? You ruin everything. And just look at yourself sitting there. Sad and alone on the couch, not knowing what to do and just running and running. And so it goes on… Week after week… Month after month… Year after year… And the longer it lasts, the more you lose confidence. The more you become conditioned to escape behavior, numbing, not having to feel and the more you lose the connection with yourself and everyone around you. Because as within, so without, right?
👋 I don't give a f*ck anymore 👋
Until there comes a moment. Just when you decide that it doesn't matter a f*ck anymore. Well... That's what you tell yourself. Secretly, deep down you want a happy life, you want nothing more than love and connection. But recognizing that is not cool. Emotions. Men don't feel them. And certainly not men in their twenties. You have to be tough. You have to be the man. Vulnerability and feeling don't suit a man. Well... That's what you tell yourself. Deep down you know that this is nonsense. Deep down you know that vulnerability and showing feelings are part of being human. And yet you don't do it... Afraid of the judgment of others, afraid of rejection. Afraid of rejection while you reject yourself so hard. How can you expect others not to reject you? As within, so without, right? But you said you didn't care a f*ck anymore.
😢 And then you break… 😢
At that moment you break. What are you actually doing? You don't want it anymore. This time it will really be different. This time you are going to do it. And you know that you have probably said this to yourself a hundred times, but still... What does it matter? You have nothing left to lose. This way you will go under anyway. But that is not all. Inside you also feel that you are different. You feel that your life could be much, much more beautiful, that you should shine, that you have important work to do here on earth. You feel that there will come a day when it will be different, that life will be beautiful for you. And you recognize these feelings. In clear moments you experience that more often, but holding on to it was not possible before. You kept falling back into old patterns and conditioning. Not this time. That is a promise that you make to yourself again. It is now or never. Now is the time for change. Deep inside you feel that it is right.
🕰 Synchronicity is increasing 🕰
From that moment on, the synchronicity starts to increase. You don't feel great yet, but the desire inside starts to burn more and more. The passion increases and you feel that you are at the beginning of a new life. Not knowing where to go, but oh well... F*ck it. You have nothing to lose anyway. Anything is better than what it was. So you start to focus even more on self-development. Only physical training was not it. You had already experienced that. Only focusing on mindset did not help either. That did not help either. Of course it had an effect, but it did not let you accept the pain. Let alone that it took away the pain. You start meditating, but damn, that is frustrating. All those thoughts and feelings. All those triggers to numb it again. And that happens. Several times you fall back into those old patterns. Only this time you really do not give up. You start to recognize that sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. You start to recognize your own patterns. You start to see that everything you hear, feel and see has always been there. Only you were not aware of it until now. So you tackle it. You look for ways to face your pain points. You go on retreats, get a personal coach and fully commit yourself to attending workshops and trainings. All aimed at transforming pain points. All aimed at healing trauma. All aimed at transforming inauthentic parts.
😍 And suddenly you notice it… 😍
Somewhere you already knew that everything was energy, but through the retreats, workshops and trainings you actually start to experience it. And everything becomes lighter and lighter. You start to experience that some pain points have suddenly disappeared and where others are much less present. You start to enjoy tackling pain points and transforming them. You feel that you are starting to shine more and more. You feel that life is calling you. And suddenly you notice… you can sit with yourself. You can be with yourself. You start to love yourself, your dark and light sides. You start to connect more and more with yourself and the world around you, because as within so without, right? And you continue this process. You end up in deeper and deeper layers of yourself. You experience that you not only heal yourself, but also your family line. You experience that there is much more in the world than you previously thought. Deeper and deeper into the mystical field, discovering new playing fields and new worlds. This makes you fall in love even more. Not only with yourself, but also with the world around you. On people, on nature, on animals, on everything that IS.
🕊 The soul's desire awakens 🕊
Then you start to wonder why everyone doesn't know this? Shouldn't everyone have the right to live their fullest potential and be fully connected to their essence? Your passion starts to grow. Your life mission becomes clearer and your soul's desire awakens. You feel it in every cell of your body. You do indeed have something to do here. You have taken on an important, beautiful, but sometimes difficult task. Transforming fears into love and bringing connection. Through this entire process you start to see that your whole life was a run-up to where you are now. Because of this you also start to recognize and love the person you were. Without that person you would not be where you are now. Without that person you would not have had the increasingly beautiful life now. And without that person... You would not have been here at all. So...
🤗 Reconnect with yourself 🤗
So Dance, Play, Enjoy, Feel, Listen, Admire, Accept, Trust, Connect and feel Free in Love. Make your life a party. Reconnect with who you are in essence and seek the connection with what you came here to do. Stand for who you are in confidence, with decisiveness and in gentleness. Open your heart and welcome everything. The darkness and the light. They both have a message. And commit. Commit to yourself. Commit to dancing, playing, enjoying, feeling, listening, admiring, accepting, trusting, connecting, love and being free. Be curious about life and life is curious about you.
Aho 💚🐺🦅
(Feel free to also send me a private message if this touches you or if you recognize yourself in this ❤️)