At this moment I notice so powerfully that the universe (God) is taking care of me. I feel carried by the energy and it is very clear to me that life works for me. I have been allowed to learn what it is like to let your Soul work through you and let the magic arise in your life.
But it wasn't always like this…
For years I numbed myself with alcohol, drugs, festivals, women and of course hard work. I underwent treatments with psychologists and psychiatrists. I was given label after label. And of course I was stuffed with ritalin and oxazepam. My system was shut down, while I was allowed to learn to feel.
In terms of behavioral development, I definitely made progress through all the psychological help, but it didn't take away the pain. In fact... It just made me fall deeper and deeper.
The drug use got worse. I became more and more jealous. I lost group after group of friends. All a reflection of how I felt from within. Alone and separated. I had completely lost the connection with myself.
I was constantly looking for stimuli from the outside world. I was closed off from my inner world and therefore sought everything in the outside world. Vfrom one high to another high, so that I wouldn't have to feel my own pain.
I kept this up for ten years until I nearly drove myself into the guardrail under the influence of GHB and was immediately pulled over by the police. A wake-up call followed. That came with even more fear…
Half a year of intensive drug use followed. I had periods of 6-7 days of drug use and then 6-7 days of complete focus on self-development. This went on for half a year, until I also realized that this could not continue like this. It really had to stop now... I already had an angel on my shoulder with the GHB incident, that would not have been for nothing.
And then it happened… I received a “calling” to go to the South of France on a transformation retreat. There I was “spiritually” opened up. I came into contact with various transformation methods, such as regression & reincarnation, inner child work and many more methods. I was reconnected with my feelings.
A journey began. A journey that has now been going on for three years. A journey that reconnected me with my Sacred Heart. And where I have come to see that life works for me and has always done so. All this time I have been guided and safe. In other words… I am being taken care of.
I began to realize that there is only one way and that is the way within. Back to the Heart. Back to the feeling. No longer focused on the outside world, but on the inner world. Heal yourself and the whole world, but always start with yourself. Give yourself the world. Give yourself all the love you desire, so that from that love you can give Divinely to others.
But most of all I gained hope and built a bond of trust with my Self. My Divine essence started sending me signals, bringing synchronicities on my path and giving me assignments.
One of those assignments was to write a book. A book about my journey from separation and addiction back to connection with the heart and freedom. A book about Change. A book that gives hope and inspires. A book that not only takes you on an emotional and spiritual journey back home, but also gives you immediate tools to get started.
And now that book is here. The book has been given the name “It could have ended differently.” In addition to the story, it also contains a workbook with 21 methods for a more authentic, transformative and freer life. And that book…
In the meantime I give interactive lectures and transformation journeys throughout the country, I am allowed to be a guest at various podcasters to inspire others to come to change. And of course to go back to the connection with the Heart. What gifts. And perhaps the most important thing… I feel myself getting happier every day and I finally feel that I am really alive again!
Love,
Brian