I am looking forward to a wonderful week. A week in Surrender. Flowing with the flow. Spirit invites me to let go further. To enter the calm. To relax deeper. And at the same time to flow with what may arise from there.
Deep processes are going on. Coupled with deep emotions. Emotions of Joy and emotions of fear. Especially the Trust in myself and letting go of the future and possible outcomes is tapped. And what can you do best? Just surf along on the waves of emotion. There is nothing good or bad. There will always be peaks and valleys. And there is no good or bad in that. Both are part of the journey we make on this beautiful earth. So flow with it.
The last few days the energy and pressure started to build
Last night it came to a climax. Pressure came from different angles. Both internal and external. It just made me angry. What do you want spirit? I've been going through my deepest processes for two years now. And you keep throwing shit on my plate? You bring situations, events and people on my path that trigger (mirrors).. And what do I get out of it? Why do I still struggle on certain aspects? It makes me angry. What do you want from me? I'm just done with it, I hear myself say to the Universe. I've been turning my whole life upside down for two years now. Please don't let it have been for nothing.
That went on for a while. Anger at others, but of course mostly angry at myself. Why isn't it going the way I want it to? I just want to travel, have fun, do transformation work, not worry about money, not worry about whether the clients will come, the workshops and retreats will be complete, not worry about whether I'm doing it right or not. A very high I-content as you may notice. Hey, many things that I want and maybe not that Spirit has in mind for me.
So Spirit what do you want from me?
Letting go I heard my head. That was always the only answer to all my questions. Letting go, letting go and letting go again. Into the Not-Knowing. Which of course made me even angrier. Why let go now? I already do that?
No.. you don't do it, I hear from a voice in my head. You are in between far too much. We keep telling you that you can sit back, relax, that you can flow with it, but you keep getting in between. Surrender. Let it go. Only then can it flow to you completely and can the magic happen. That is your lesson. And there is only one way to experience it and that is to Let Go. Letting go so that you can go home. Letting go, so that you can go back to who you really are in essence. Beautiful, but at the same time scary and frustrating.
At some point the penny dropped and a magical silence arose as I like to call it. I fell silent. Peace arose. A feeling of inner peace. Something clicked internally when the anger and frustration were out. Suddenly there was silence. It was already dark, but my hearing went in the direction of the whistling of birds outside. Acceptance arose.
Okay, I'm letting go, I hear myself say with conviction. I'm not going to fight against outside influences anymore. It's all okay. If people want something different. That's fine. Things don't go through. That's fine. I feel that I'm allowed to do something different than planned. That's fine. Unexpected things happen. That's fine. Esther doesn't listen. 
. Totally Fine. Milo is going at the neighbor's big dog. Totally fine. I'm going with it.
Something that really belongs to me cannot be taken away from me. And what does not fit me can be taken away from me. In that I may Trust and let go of the outcome.
I'm going to relax. My own process previous to Coming Home in Spring – One-Day-Retreat – March 26. Just like last time. That means I'm ready now. The awakening has happened, now I can blossom.
Let go. Relax. Trust. Surrender.
To be continued for sure 
