Dare to trust in not knowing

22 January 2024

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There is a certain peace in the not knowing. Do you recognize that? That you feel a certain enthusiasm about the future and the steps you can take? even though you don't know where they lead?

I recognize it. I am at a point in my life where I realize that I have given myself the feeling that I always knew, about the choices that I am allowed to make in life. I always had a pretty strong idea of the next step. In my twenties I even thought dozens of steps ahead, so that I could not make mistakes.

But now.. Now there is a shift in consciousness. And I have no idea what I know and what I don't know. Somehow that feels really great. It's a kick. There is a great sense of freedom in not knowing, which makes life a great adventure.

On the other hand, it is also exciting and the mind finds it exciting. It projects the insecurity in this, in my case, often onto money and poverty. While I don’t have to worry about that, when I look at the facts. But it projects…

In that projection the thought then comes: “If this projection were gone, then not knowing would be really cool, because then there wouldn’t be an underlying feeling of insecurity.” At which point I have to laugh at myself, because the mind then finds something else to release its projection(s) on.

As I write this I notice that words are coming out of my pen (I am typing this over now, because I feel I can share it with you), but I actually have no idea what these words mean, what they are intended for.

That also feels like a kick, I am overwhelmed by a feeling of enthusiasm, adventure and freedom. And at the same time it is also partly, the ego (mind) especially, scary. A big not-knowing.

Everything I always thought was true, feels shaky to me, while somewhere it doesn't shaky at all. It's saying goodbye to the old and stepping into the new. From the old known to the new unknown not-knowing.

If we assume that our thoughts create our own reality, then we create ourselves. But what if our thoughts are not ours, but fragments from the past? It is not real. It is stardust.

How then can we have become so attached to something that does not exist, to illusions? Then our entire experience of the world is based on our own inner untruths.

Something that is repressed and untrue, but still keeps coming up in our perception. What if all these thoughts that have no meaning fall away? What remains? What will we see? What will come forward?

I would say light and consciousness, but who am I to know this if I don't know? Who am I and what can I say if I don't know and act according to illusionary limiting thoughts and patterns of the mind?

I think and I say think specifically and very consciously, that in this case time will tell. It is an experiencing and seeing of how deep the rabbit hole goes. Which in this case feels deep, but calls to really go and see.

To wake up and really start seeing.

Together we create heaven on earth,

Love,

Brian

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