Sometimes I feel afraid. Afraid to see the light. Not that I think I'm going to turn the corner, but just afraid of the light in me. Because what if I really encompass so much light? What if I really am such a powerful being of light? What does that do to my old personalities? What does that do to all those ego particles? Where does the loneliness go? What does that say about all those years of numbing and fleeing? Do all these parts still exist? Are they still allowed to be there? Do they continue? Do they really die? Or do they continue in another form?
Can you imagine how these parts feel?
Their entire right to exist and their role is then questioned. And it could just be that they are no longer needed. And can you also imagine that I am not afraid, but that all these parts then feel afraid. Afraid of dying. Afraid of taking on a different form. A different role. So used to old patterns and conditioning that the new can be terrifying for them. The least you can do with these parts is have compassion for them. Reassure them. Thank them for all the valuable lessons they have given you. Thank them for the time you have spent together.
Because actually… Actually, all these parts just want love. They just want to be seen. Secretly, they also long for the light. But there is a chance that they have not seen the light for so long that they have become afraid of it. That they have trapped themselves. Trapped in a small box or in a small room. Completely in control of everything that happens in that room. Super afraid of what is outside the room, while they do not know. They do not even dare to look at what is outside the room. The idea of having to step out of a safe haven means immediate mortal danger.
And especially when you have experienced it a few times in this life, or another life. That you stepped out of your safe haven, out of comfort, to express what you really wanted and that this was then punished severely. Maybe you had to pay for it with your life. Who knows.
Do you really think that those parts will just walk out?
That they dare to look at the fear from the current state they are in? I don't think so... They remain safe. Safe between all the control pieces, restrictions and self-confinement.
So what do you do? You don't want those parts to keep influencing your life. I don't anyway. And then there's the fact that you don't want to push them away or hurt them more, so that they get even more trauma. So what's the answer?
Actually it is quite simple. When you understand how it works. Otherwise it is deadly complicated. You are going to guide them. Make contact with these parts. Recognize that they are part of you. Feel the pain. In all purity. Really live it. And then, when they are ready for it, take them outside. If they don't want to go right away? Completely understandable when they are in so much pain. Then open the door already. Speak to them lovingly. Let them be there. Layer by layer. Step by step.
Don't put them away in the room yourself and never go in yourself. Go and look for them in that room. Be there for these parts. Give them the loving attention they need. That you need. That I need.
Because in the end, it is you.