It's interesting what happened this week. I can promise you one thing. When you start the week with an ayahuasca ceremony, the rest of the week is one big party. Especially being present with what is. It keeps coming up. Being with what is. It gives peace. So also today. I'm writing again and my book It could have ended differently is of course a big processing process. Everything I've experienced in my life has led to where I am now. I see that so clearly now. Everything. Everyone. Every person. Even the girls behind the counter. Everything is so organized and perfect that it's exactly right. Everything we experience is a perfect projection of our inner world. That even goes to the couch you're sitting on. How special is that? It's magical.
👂 Listen now Brian 👂
So also today. While writing, a sore spot was tapped. I felt the unrest in my system growing. Rising feelings of wanting to numb. Wanting to get away from it. Compared to before, I quickly realized what I was doing. I knew what I had to do. Get up. Walk to my meditation cushion. Sit. And meditate. It took a while before I convinced myself that this was really the best thing I could do. Just sit down, Brian, I already heard in my head. Be present. Observe. Find peace in the unrest. Yes, I know, I thought to myself. Stubbornness aside and on to my meditation cushion. I observe the pain. The unrest. I tune in to the unrest and talk to it. What do you want? What do you need? What has been tapped? With loving attention, I started to look at it after I spoke a transformation protocol to make what is underneath visible and transform everything in between into love.
🪓 Then your head will be chopped off 🪓
Soon the answer came and clarity arose. Fear of rejection. Okay. Clear. Another layer deeper I thought to myself. And don't hide it Brian. You may look at this with love. Running away from the pain only makes it come back sooner. And if you want the pain to go away, you are actually telling yourself that it shouldn't be there. Not really nice to a tormented and hurt part. It is precisely about being present with the pain and not judging it. Just let it be there and start a conversation with it, I hear a voice in my head say. By acting in love, more answers than just the fear of rejection soon came. I was confronted with what if people disapprove of your book? Don't stick your head above the cornfield, because then your head will be chopped off. This clarity and state of being alone made the unrest disappear.
🕰 Finding Acceptance with Dying 🕰
Being present with. Being aware of. Acting with love. Accepting the moment. Living in the now. Not judging. Looking at what presents itself. When would you die now. Can you accept that? Are you at peace with that? Interesting questions I thought as I lay there. (I had meanwhile laid down to relax more deeply). No, I want to live. I am far from finished. I want to play and enjoy. Nice, I hear myself thinking, but I knew that I had not answered the question correctly. Freedom. That lies behind the answer to the question: when would you die. Can you accept that? When one is prepared to die here, now, at this moment, then there is no more fear. Then there is no more fear of having done wrong or of having failed. Then there is only life. Then there is freedom. Then every day is a gift.
Death is only an illusion that limits life. Accept death and there is freedom. Accept death and there is only life. NOW and always.
Amen to that! 💚🙏🏻