It was 2017 when I started to become more and more interested in mindset. I had just broken up with my then girlfriend Laura. An intense and intense ending after a short period of living together. Not really how a relationship should go or should end. Certainly not with so much anger, sadness and pain. It took me at least two years to get my life back on track. Only since transformation work and regression I was able to transform the ties of that relationship. However, it was the beginning of my transformation and my journey to my authentic most beautiful self. It started with mindset. I came into contact with The Secret. The Secret is about the law of attraction and it actually tells you how to attract everything in your life to you. The art of realizing happiness and success yourself. From there I quickly ended up with Michael Pilarczyk. Mindset started to interest me more and more and I also started to delve further into the law of attraction. I read book after book. I started to realize more and more how the mind works. Also through psychologists, with whom I talked several times during my life, I started to recognize behavioral patterns. Of course I was there for my own recovery and to make sure my life got back on track. However, I was also just very curious and eager to learn. I simply found it very interesting. Interesting why you make certain choices and how you make those choices. Interesting why you show a certain amount and how you show it. I worked as a product marketer, later as a product owner and eventually I made the choice to start my own business. I created more and more freedom for myself. I did self-study every day and my bookcase kept growing. And so my question about life also grew.
Something was gnawing…
Because inside I still wasn't happy. Despite all the hard work, the growth in my life and all that knowledge, there was still something that gnawed at me. Inside I was still in pain. Pain about losing friends, pain about losing love relationships, pain about the relationship with Laura, pain about losing myself in partying again and again. I was just done with it. I wanted it to be different. It was just time to do it differently. It just couldn't go on like this. The only times I was happy and joyful was when I had found something that gave me energy for a short while. I would immediately dive on top of that. Whether that was work or a new flame. Okay, diving on top of a flame. Nice pun haha, but you get what I mean. And when that fire had died down again, I was back to square one. So it had to be different and it was.
I had meditated before, but that was always for a week or two and then I stopped again. Now I decided to follow a zen meditation course. Purely to get into the rhythm and to be able to observe my thoughts. I started reading more books. Think and grow rich, the law of attraction by Esther Hicks and that type of books. And it didn't help. All that knowledge, the meditation course, it didn't help. Every time I felt like I was back at square one.
And there was that one podcast by Michael Pilarczyk. If you really want a life-changing experience, you just have to go to Terra Nova. And there I went. No idea what it was. Something about personal development I thought. Not knowing that my life would change completely from that moment on. I came into contact with the spiritual world. And wow, what a world opened up. As if I had ended up at Hogwarts. It was a life-changing week. When I got home, the need for self-sabotaging behavior suddenly disappeared. Strange, right? And then I knew. This is my path. I felt the call. And then the journey really started. I started to see that there is more than just mindset. Like a sponge, I started to absorb all the knowledge. As if I already knew it all somewhere. And I feel like I do. I am just remembering it again and making it my own system. And I sometimes forget that. Sometimes I want it so badly and I forget that it all has to become my own first. I am so enthusiastic, eager to learn, driven and enterprising combined with a bit of service that I sometimes have to take a step back, because I first have to make it all my own, before I go and can transfer it to others. And that is also a beautiful lesson that I am currently learning.
Terra Nova brought change
So I had been to Terra Nova that week. And that was actually the beginning, as I already indicated. I took a lighter life coach. Some Sandra Baaijens I think it was. Beautiful woman, wonderful energy, I love her! And from that moment on it seems as if the universe thought… So Brian is awake, let's just throw everything through it at high speed. Painful piece after painful piece came and still comes up to be healed. Processes keep presenting themselves and despite the fact that I sometimes really don't feel like it and that it really isn't fun, I do go through them. Old trauma, karma and life lessons that keep coming. One process after the other. One spiritual experience after the other. Beautiful, but sometimes so intense. And no, it's not always easy. I felt more and more removed from my friends and from my current life. The marketing didn't fit anymore. Who on earth was I writing an article about corrective underwear for? That was the last straw. Fortunately, there was Attitude of Life. With Attitude of Life we also initially focused on mindset and achieving goals. Success and hard work were the key. But that was no longer allowed. It just didn't make sense anymore. As soon as you see the spiritual world and know that there is a completely different playing field, you simply can't focus on the old anymore. At least not in my reality.
And there was Terra Nova again. Actually, Terra Nova had been an indispensable part of my system since my retreat in February. I knew early on that I wanted to go back, but all kinds of thoughts and old habits blocked that. After the lockdown, the time had finally come. On July 10, I left with the intention of going for six weeks and working on myself and at the same time contributing to the center. I soon realized that I didn't just want to stay for six weeks. That was what I had convinced myself and apparently it was simply necessary to come here. Two months earlier, I had received a reading that I would emigrate to France and go live at Terra Nova. I completely panicked. That certainly wouldn't be the case. I don't want that at all. That doesn't suit me. And now I'm here and have been living at the beautiful Terra Nova for three months now. I am surrounded by the sweetest and most beautiful people. I have wonderful teachers around me. I am being trained as a teacher and healer myself. I am allowed to make mistakes and learn from them in a safe environment. Actually, I'm not really into swearing anymore, but if I may do so once more, I just want to say. How f*cking bizarre and special is it how your whole life can change in such a period? In half a year it is completely inside out, upside down and thrown together.
Is it always easy?
No. Definitely not. It requires commitment, drive, trust, faith and in my case especially patience. Is it all worth it? Yes. Definitely. For the full 100%. I have not regretted it for a second and I see the future with a bright future. I am also so grateful for becoming softer and experiencing and feeling more and more love. Today I also received a reading that the future is going to be much more beautiful than I currently envision and could have. It actually came down to the fact that I have no idea what the future will bring me, but that it will be great. I am ready for it!